Stating the obvious: (verb) arguing that Anglo-Saxons considered Vikings a threat.

Damn paper.

So, right.  The first line of Twain's "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses" has just made me laugh more than I have in a long enough time, I trow -- possibly I haven't laughed as much since I drove Holly of the writing center mad during the end-of-semester party. 

"It seems to me that it was far from right for the Professor of English Literature at Yale, the Professor of English Literature in Columbia, and Wilkie Collins to deliver opinions on Cooper's literature without having read some of it. It would have been much more decorous to keep silent and let persons talk who have read Cooper."

You can read it online here. 

I just remembered that I haven't gotten to tell anyone about this, so, those of you actually reading, a story:

I tried to get a Nintendo Wii at launch. I wasn't incredibly concerned, at the time, about getting ahold of one, like most everyone was with the PS2 and are, again, with the PS3. Of course, since then, none of the stores around have had any, and the person at Hastings told me they actually have pre-orders, or whatever, that still aren't filled, so the next shipment will be cut into by that. Odd.

Anyway. I went over to Wal-Mart, as they were doing a 12:01 release, but a few hours before I showed up they handed out tickets to the first 32 people in line, as they'd only gotten 32 units to sell (presumably several employees got systems as well). I heard all this from my friend Shane, who was number six in line -- apparently he and his girlfriend spent 48 hours in Wal-Mart, which is disconcerting, at best. I stood around for an hour, talking to Shane, and left with the two of them after they got their systems.

Greg: 0 Universe: 1

I had called Hastings before all that, and found they were doing something sort-of similar. That is, everyone present when the opened (at ten, ick!) would get an envelope. In X number of envelopes would be tickets, proclaiming the bearer to be randomly sorted into the house of getting-a-damn-Wii. The others would get five dollar coupons for Wii games or accessories.

Now, you haven't seen me, about two weeks ago, post in all caps, spouting gibberish and things about Link, so you already know, rather like the audience of an epic poem, what happened here. The journey is in getting there, one would think.

I stood in a line for about half an hour. It was very cold, but I ended up making conversation with some of the people near me, so it wasn't so bad. Sure enow, I got one of the coupons, but, and here's what reminded me of this whole thing:

Somewhere up front, possibly the first three people, someone, like me, chose poorly, and got an envelope full of angry orange coupon. But this person, I guess, was crazy. Because he lumbered toward his car, stopped (in the thoroughfare, you know, where cars pass), and shouted at the employee doling out envelopes. Comments like, "could have told us!" and "waited in the cold!" drifted back to those of us who had stood in bed until nearly zero-hour, if you will. Apparently, then, someone got there way the hell too early, thinking it would be a news-report style, camping-out waiting game thing, and hadn't bothered to call up and ask how they would handle the demand.

Wait, let me separate that comment and put it in italics, like Lovecraft and Howard:

He hadn't bothered to phone up Hastings and ask how they would handle the assured demand on opening day. You know, like I did, and probably, everyone else.

Greg: 0 Universe: 2

That's about it, really. I'm still hoping to get a Wii before Christmastime, so I can put Wii games on my list, but we'll see how that goes, I guess. I remember that I got my Gamecube in, like, February of my freshman year. My roommate was irritated that I had one, and had Smash Bros., but only one controller. I didn't think the set-up was the best, mind, but I was cheap and usually bought a DVD or CD every week back then, because Morehead was frigging depressing.

So. Yes. I had to be up at ten for cockroach-spraying. I haven't seen any around, but, you know, preventative measures. Or something. Whatever.

Sorry. What I forgot about this frackas is that I called up Wal-Mart once I got back from Hastings and asked, you know, when they would get more Wii units in. The guy on the phone told me they expected more that day. So, hell, I thought I'd check that out. I ended up going back to Wal-Mart twice that day, and finally, the second time, an employee told me they expected more on Wednesday. Well. That's not what I heard, from, you know, an employee. Anyway.

And, later, over the phone, I had an employee tell me they had no idea when they would get more. Super.

Greg: 0 Universe: 3
You know. I used to keep track of who was winning, me or the universe, back in high school. Do I need to start again?

So, Aurora accepted the poem I submitted a few months ago. They screwed up the formatting, which did matter -- for once -- but this isn't particularly surprising. Oh well. I posted it up here before I submitted, but if, like nearly everyone, you didn't read it, but would like to now, here it is: Aurora Online -- "Funeral".